How To Get Rid of Baggage in Seven Difficult Steps
by Tyranno's girl
Summary: Alfred F. Jones is living life up in New York: he's the lead singer in a band, he has a cute new girlfriend. But things start to go a bit hay-wire when visions of a handsome, foreign stranger start invading his dreams... RussAme Inspired by Scott Pilgrim
1. Alfred F Jones, This is Your Life!

**A/N: **

**I'm sorry, but I just have had this idea in my head for the longest time. To those who are following 'ROTA', I haven't abandoned it. I am serious about getting that made into a game, so I'm watching the market like a hawk in order to see which systems have the best hardware for what I'm developing. **

**Also, I have to do more research. But I **_**am**_** writing! **

**But this fiction. I've been dying to do this since the movie 'Scott Pilgrim vs. The World' came out and I've seen all the fiction spin offs and amv spin-offs, and I just started reading the original graphic novel… But I have noticed something. **

**In all the fan work and fiction, it's always the dominant that has to do all the fighting. (Even in all the USUK ones…) **

**I needed to see something different. **

**Obvious AU, human names used. Brief AmericaxOC (but only for a second), RussiaxAmerica, FrUK (England being the responsible one, but Francis being… yeah), Japanxvarious (…You'll see.), and… more pairings will be mentioned as time goes on. **

**Oh, and Alfred's 'girlfriend' in this… I've seen far too many AmericaxMexico fics, so I wanted to do something new. And I do believe in creating a very few OCs where needed in the Hetalia fandom. **

**So enter Iran (who I basically modeled after the main character and author, Marjane Satrapi, of the world-renowned graphic novel 'Persepolis'). She's barely seen after the first few chapters, don't worry. **

**And take note that I'm drawing inspiration from both the movie and graphic novels of Scott Pilgrim, so if some jokes don't sound like you remember… Yeah.**

**Okay, let's go. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own Hetalia or Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.**

* * *

><p><em>Once upon a time, in the strange vast land of New York, New York… <em>

_Alfred F. Jones had just gotten off the rebound…_

* * *

><p>Inside of a small condo, in the inner part of the city, four young men were sitting around a table trying to get some food in before they started on their day. "Alfred F. Jones is dating a college freshman…" That came from the one named Yong Soo, a cocoa-haired Korean who was slowly working on getting his bachelors in IT. However, his happy-go-lucky smile had a bit of… something behind it.<p>

"Is she hot?" Miguel, a short-haired Mexican-American who was living off of odd-jobs, smirked as he poured himself another cup of coffee. Suddenly, Yong Soo seemed to pass out, his head falling onto the table.

"Wait for it…" That sigh came from Arthur Kirkland, the blonde Brit who was the adoptive father and band-mate to the young man who was cooking bacon on the small kitchen's stove. Yong Soo snapped back up, his eyes dark and his expression malicious. You see, he had a severe split-personality that would switch out at the most random times. Like now,

"So, Yankee…" Yong Soo's darker half, Han Soo, leered, "How many years has it been since you dropped out of school? Five? Six?"

"I'm not playing your games today, Han Soo…" The blonde at the stove sighed, plating the greasy bacon he had just cooked. But Han Soo smirked,

"So you would practically be robbing the cradle with this-"

"I'm twenty, okay?" The blonde turned, revealing a boyish face and short, messy hair. He nodded his head, causing glasses that were perched on top of his hair to fall to the bridge of his nose.

"So… Dating a nice young girl after your blow of crushing relationship failures…" Arthur hummed, taking a sip of his Earl Grey, "Not bad, not bad…" Alfred sat down, beginning to wrapping each strip of bacon around the sausages that were already on the table. Miguel, who was busy playing around with a DS that Alfred had given him, asked,

"So… Have you two… You know," He gave a suggestive look with his eyes, "_Done_ anything yet?"

"We've done _many_ things…" Alfred replied smoothly, taking a bite out of his sausage-bacon, "We take the bus together, we have _deep_ conversations, and we discuss how her professors are giving her a hard time…" Arthur interjected with,

"Have you even kissed her yet?", which made Alfred think for a bit. He snapped his fingers when he remembered,

"We held hands once!" But then he added, "But it was only for like a second before she got embarrassed and we had to stop."

"Well isn't that just Yankee-Doodle-Dandy?" Han Soo smirked, Alfred averting his eyes with a,

"I have no idea what you're getting at…"

"So, what's this little lady's name?" Arthur asked. Alfred swallowed down a spoonful of scrambled eggs, some of it still on his lips, before he stated,

"Marjane Satrapi." He licked the bit of egg away before he continued, "She's Iranian." Arthur nodded,

"Huh." Miguel nodded,

"Huh." A loud bang signaled that Han Soo had timed out and Yong Soo dizzily asked,

"Huh?" Arthur poured himself another cup of tea, completely unbothered by this morning's occurrences, before he had to ask,

"When do we meet her?"

"Oh, _please_ let it be soon!" Yong Soo smiled. Just then, the doorbell rang: a pale 'Ding-Dong' appearing in the air above them. Alfred smiled as he shoved another sausage in his mouth and walked to the door, cheering,

"That's for me!" He wiped the grease from his hands to his shirt before opening the door to reveal a young woman with long, wavy black hair, fair skin (the only blemish was a small beauty-mark on the side of her nose), and almond eyes.

"Hi Alfred!" Marjane greeted as she waited to be let in out of the cold.

"You promise to be good?" Alfred smiled, Marjane returning the gesture,

"Of course I'll be good!"

"Seriously," Alfred frowned, "Please be good?"

"Since when am I not?" The door opened wider when Arthur walked up behind Alfred, the younger speaking up,

"Marjane, meet my dad Arthur. He's also an absolute _beast_ on the guitar!"

"'Ello there."

"H-!" Before Marjane could finish her greeting, Arthur slammed the door in her face, whispering,

"Is she going to spazz out on us?"

"I promise, Iggy, she'll sit on the couch and not say a word." Arthur frowned.

"But… I _want_ her to spazz out on us!"

"She'll spazz!" Alfred reassured him, "She can spazz! She has the capacity to spazz…" The Brit smiled,

"Good.", before opening the door again and smiling, "Come on in, I bid you welcome to my humble abode!"

"Thank you." Marjane nodded as Alfred slowly led her inside to the living room where a set of band equipment had been set up.

"Here, let me get your coat." Alfred offered as he took Marjane's school-jacket off and tossed to some random location of the room. The Iranian girl slowly walked around the room and looked at all the instruments. She blinked when she saw Yong Soo fixing up the drum-set, but she greeted,

"Hi, I'm Marjane."

"Yong Soo."

"I see," She nodded before asking, "So, you play the drums?"

"Yep."

"Just ignore him Marjane," Alfred called over as he made sure that the microphones had good batteries. He took the portable one before introducing, "This is Miguel.", as he walked over and sat on the couch.

"Hi." She said as she took a seat as well.

"Hola." He answered, turning the DS on again. She hummed for a bit before she asked,

"So, what do you play?" Miguel blinked before looking at the back of his DS and replied,

"Zelda… Pokémon… Elite Beat Agents…"

Yong Soo testing out the drums, caught everyone's attention as Alfred got into position and announced,

"Let's start off with 'Pub N' Go!'"

"Title Pending!" Arthur exclaimed as he got his guitar (decaled with the British flag), "Title Pending!" The loud boom on the drums signaled another timing out for Yong Soo, Han Soo rising up and shouting,

"WE ARE MERLIN'S APHRODISIAC!" He knocked his drumsticks together three times, and calling out, "HANA!DOOL!SET!NET! (One, two, three, four!)" They didn't even falter, the band immediately went right into playing the song that they all knew by heart, Alfred doing all the singing:

"_Today it rained again!"_

"Whoo!"

"_Yesterday it rained as well!"_

"Whoo!"

_And tomorrow it shall probably rain some more!"_

"Okay!"

"_But I shall never_

_Open up an umbrella! _

_It's the creed of a stubborn British Man…"_ Marjane was just sitting there, watching the band in awe before they kicked it up a notch, the sound-waves visible.

"_Pub! Pub! Pub N' Go!_

_Fish and Chips!"_ Arthur joined in to sing,

"_If I don't like you _

_A curse is coming your way!"_

_Mrs. Fairy! Ms. Fairy! _

_Ah hah ha ha ha~! _

_Here I go again!"_ Yong Soo drummed out the signal that the song was ending, Alfred singing,

"_A~_

_Bra! _

_Ca~ _

_Da~_

_Bra! _

_A~ _

_Bra~ _

_Ca~!"_

"_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

_Moron! Moron! Moron! Moron!"_ Arthur chanted over again before finally ending the song with,

"_Alfred, you bloody idiot!"_ With another round from Yong Soo, the song ended. They all looked to Marjane, who appeared to be in shock. After a while, she whispered,

"You guys… Are so…" She looked up, and you could practically see the stars in her eyes,

"Amazing…"

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><p><strong>AN: Short, intro is short. But hopefully someone liked it. Anyone? Anyone at all? ... Meep. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	2. Personal Space, My Name is Kiku Honda

**A/N: Okay, chapter 2! Let's hit it!**

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><p>"She seems nice!" Arthur smiled as they all sat in the office of Arthur's condo after Marjane had to get back to campus.<p>

"Yep!" Alfred nodded, Miguel whistling as he was working on a job-application on the computer. But Yong Soo, who had reverted into Han Soo, shook his head and spoke,

"Yankee, if your life had a face, I would kick its teeth in."

"Yeah…" Alfred hummed, but then he asked, "Wait, what?"

"What Han meant," Yong Soo explained as he got control back, "Is are you really happy or are you _really_ evil?"

"You meant do I got ulterior motives or something?" When the Korean nodded, Alfred scoffed, "I'm shocked!"

"Wounded even?" Yong Soo smiled. But Alfred only pouted before turning towards Miguel and asking,

"So, you thought she was nice?"

"Si, she's nice." Miguel replied, not even looking away from his work as Alfred sighed,

"Yeah…"

* * *

><p><em>Afterwards…<em>

* * *

><p>We find Alfred walking to a small apartment, not too far away from Arthur's condo but nowhere near as nice. He struggled to open the rusting blue door before walking inside and shaking the snow off of himself before stating, "Before you hear anything from anybody else: Yes, I am dating a seventeen year-old."<p>

"Hm…" A calm voice laced with a Japanese accent asked, "Is she a cute little loli?"

"Hah hah," Alfred huffed, shoving his jacket into the closet, amongst piles of manga, DVDs, and Japanese candy wrappers. Sitting by the small table, a young Japanese male looked up from the international super-model magazine he was reading and asked,

"Does this mean that we have to stop sleeping together?"

"Does this place _look_ like it can fit another bed?" Alfred asked as he rushed into the bathroom. The black-haired male, Kiku Honda was his name, looked around the small studio apartment and sighed,

"No. I guess this means more invasion of personal space…" Looking around the small living space, we can see that it's covered head to toe in Japanese knick-knacks and anime memorabilia. Hell, the only things that showed that Alfred stayed here was the lame Superman poster on the wall and the dirty clothes on the ground.

"So, the whole seventeen year-old Iranian girl thing," Alfred sighed as he came out of the bathroom, "Don't tell too many people?"

"Alfred-san," Kiku gently put the magazine away in a nice pile, "You know me."

"I mean don't tell my mom." Alfred begged, Kiku pulling a cell-phone out of his pocket as he went into the bathroom,

"You know me.", and shut the door. Alfred could only ask,

"Who are you texting?", before his own cell-phone (nowhere near as cool as Kiku's) rang. He opened it up and answered, not even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"A seventeen year-old?" A loud, French voice screeched into the phone, "How scandalous can you be? Not even _I_ would go zere!"

"Hi Mom…" Alfred sighed. "Whatever you heard isn't – Who told you?"

* * *

><p>'Mom', who was actually Francis Bonnefoy, the on again, off again, lover of Arthur Kirkland, was at work in a café during this time. After he served someone a cup of coffee, he replied,<p>

"Kiku, of course!"

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><p>"Damn that gossipy Jap…" Alfred hissed, the bathroom door opening as Kiku stated,<p>

"You know me."

"Damn it Kiku!" Alfred yelled just as the door was closed again.

* * *

><p>"So…" Francis hummed, holding the phone against his ear as he prepared an ordered sandwich, "Who is zis mystery girl zat you date?"<p>

* * *

><p>"Her name's Marjane Satrapi." Alfred sighed, "She's Iranian." The phone was quiet for a moment before Francis chuckled in disbelief,<p>

"A seventeen year-old, Iranian, college-freshman?"

"It's the Catholic university, too…" Alfred shook his head, Francis nearly choking out and almost cutting his finger,

"You mean – With ze uniform and everything?" Alfred nodded,

"The whole deal…"

* * *

><p>"Alfred!" Francis screamed, "This has all ze workings for statutory rape! Please tell me you two haven't—"<p>

* * *

><p>"No." Alfred explained, "We've barely held hands…"<p>

"Why!" Francis screamed, "Why are you doing zis?" To which Alfred sighed, sitting down in bed,

"I don't know… It's just… Nice, you know?" Francis sighed, calling someone for their order, before he began again,

"Mon cher… It's been a year since you brutishly broke up with you-know-who," Flashes of concert posters went through both of their minds, "Are you truly over it or are you just being insane?" Alfred was quiet for a moment before he asked,

"Can I get back to ya on that?"

* * *

><p><em>BRIIINNGG!<em>

* * *

><p>The next morning found Alfred and Kiku standing out in the cold, snowy grounds outside Marjane's university. "I really do not want to be here, Alfred-san…" Kiku groaned as he shivered in his jacket.<p>

"You know, this school has nice pretty girls from all over the world." Alfred stated, stabbing at Kiku's weakness for girls of all races.

"I hate you…" He whispered. "Even _I_ would have to seek council with my ancestors before dating a seventeen year-old." Alfred chuckled,

"Well, she's only allowed out when the sun is up, so I wouldn't really say _dating_… More like—"

"Playtime?" Kiku smirked, Alfred frowning,

"That ain't much better."

"No it is not."

"Alfred!" They both turned to see Marjane rushing towards them.

"Hey sweetie!" Alfred smiled, ruffling the girl's hair before stating, "This is Kiku. My unimportant, quiet, Japanese roommate. He's Japanese."

"Oh!" Marjane smiled, "One of my best friends is from Japan! Would you like to meet her?"

"Not necessarily, no…" Kiku replied.

"So, you should probably get going now then…" Alfred hinted, "You know… Shoo…" Kiku smiled before he seized Marjane's hands and said,

"You are too good for him. Run.", before slowly walking away.

* * *

><p><em>"Ready!"<em> A voice on a computer screen announced, two animals (an eagle and a lion) set. _"Go!"_ At that, Alfred and Marjane grabbed two game controllers and began playing the game which had them trying to get each other through a jungle filled with hunters and poachers. While they were playing, Alfred began rambling:

"Did you know… That Superman didn't originally have Kryptonite for a weakness? In the earliest comics and animations, Superman could actually be slowed down by fog or smoke. They of course had to change it because, well, what kind of superhero gets taken down by clouds of smoke, am I right?" **( 1 )**

"Wow!" Marjane laughed as they teamed up for a special attack. Just then, their session ran out. For a moment, Marjane stared deep into Alfred's sky-blue eyes. Alfred looked at her too. Before nudging his head towards the game console. "Oh!" Marjane blinked before putting more money in to start a new game.

* * *

><p>Going to the mall meant a quick stop by the Golden Dragon Take-Out Restaurant, where the owner, a young Chinese man named Yao, already had Alfred's order ready; which the blonde shared with Marjane as they went into a small clothing store.<p>

"I don't really listen to that much music," She admitted as she looked through the skirts, "I mean, I know kids who play piano and such. But you guys…" She sighed dreamily, 'You guys _rock_!"

"Why thank ya kindly!" Alfred smiled, "I always knew that _I_ rocked by myself, but it's good to hear that the band does too."

"You guys are going to be huge!" Marjane exclaimed as they went into a CD store. The brunette was looking through all the CDs and posters as Alfred answered,

"Well, we're already kind of big… But it would be nice if more people started wearing our shirts…" Then he sighed, "And by more, I mean _any_."

"Cool." Marjane nodded before looking through the CDs again. But she didn't see what she was looking for so she called over to the sales associate, "Excuse me? But do you have anything by B^Cubed?" The employee turned around, revealing a face that looked a lot like Alfred's but maybe a bit younger and his blonde hair was longer and wavier. The expression in his amethyst eyes was also a bit annoyed before he adjusted his glasses and asked,

"Have you tried that huge section marked 'B^Cubed'?"

"Thank you Mattie…" Alfred whispered to his twin brother as Marjane went to go look. When she was gone, Matthew blinked and asked,

"Are you coming to my party on Friday? Are will you be too busy…" He glanced over towards Marjane and called out, "Baby-sitting?"

"Thank you Mattie!" Alfred hissed, but he went to catch up with Marjane and spoke, "Don't listen to him." Then he grabbed the CD that Marjane had grabbed, one with four European guys on the cover (two brunettes, two blondes), and tossed it away, "And you really shouldn't listen to _them_…"

"I love them _so_ much!" Marjane sighed, Alfred returning the sigh,

"Yeah, I loved them too until the main singer turned into a clingy whimp, but hey, that's just me…"

"Toris Laurinaitis is _so_ amazing!" Marjane smiled, "Do you read his blog?"

"I'm sorry, but weren't we talking about me?" Alfred laughed, trying to change the subject.

* * *

><p>"I've never gone out with anyone so talented!" Marjane mused as Alfred walked her down the street.<p>

"Oh, you go out a lot?" Alfred asked, Marjane shaking her head,

"No… I've never even been kissed." Alfred stopped for a second before slowly walking over to Marjane, her eyes wide as he leaned down and whispered,

"Come on, give me a hug." She giggled and jumped into his arms before they locked hands and began walking again.

* * *

><p>They walked all around the neighborhood before Alfred announced, "And here's where I live!", as they got to his crappy apartment.<p>

"Wow! So this is your 'secret-lair'?" She asked before pleading, "Can I come in? _Please?_"

"Sorry, but no…" Alfred frowned but, just before Marjane could pout, he offered, "But you _can_ see the place where me and my brother grew up!"

"Oh! That would be cool!"

"Okay then!" Alfred took her hand and turned her around to see the condo where Arthur lived, "There you go!"

"Wow…" She whispered, Alfred doing the same as he checked the time on his phone.

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><p><strong>( 1 ) This is actual trivia. In the original Superman animations, his weakness was smoke and polluted air. ... And there goes my last shred of coolness. <strong>

**Anyway, thanks for reading! If you could leave a review, that would be great too...**

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	3. Ivan Braginski is Sexy and He Knows It

There was a blinding light that caused Alfred to shield his eyes. He then slowly opened them to see that he was in a large, vast desert; his only company being a lone cactus.

"Oh God…" He whispered, falling to his knees, "Forever alone…" He was about to pass out when a deep voice, thick with an unfamiliar accent spoke,

"Oh, _shut _up!"

"Huh?" Alfred groaned, looking around for the source of the voice,

"You are not alone."

"What?" Alfred blinked as he saw a man walk by, a trail of ice and wind following him. Alfred took in everything as he passed by: his more-than-impressive height, his cream-colored hair, his lavender eyes, pale skin, brown over-coat, and the scarf that was tied around his neck.

"You are just having some idiotic dream." The figure spoke again as he left, Alfred immediately feeling relieved from the heat but he had to ask,

"Does that mean we can make out?"

* * *

><p>"Whoa!" Alfred shouted as he shot up from bed. Kiku rose from his side of the bed and asked,<p>

"What is it Alfred-san?"

"Just had this totally weird dream, man…" The blonde replied, rubbing his eyes. Suddenly,

"Whoa!" A young, Vietnamese girl yawned as she shot up from Kiku's side of the bed.

"What is it Cuc-chan?" Kiku asked, Cuc replying,

"Can we skip the fucking dream-time? So not interested…"

"But there was this man…" Alfred whispered, Kiku blinking,

"A man?"

"Was this a Toris-related dream?" Cuc sighed, Kiku immediately whispering,

"Forbidden topic…"

"No…" Alfred shook his head, getting up from the bed, "It was someone new."

"Yay for that." Cuc huffed as she went back to bed. But Kiku merely brought out his phone and after checking his e-mail, asked,

"Speaking of new, weren't you supposed to take your fake college girlfriend to the library half an hour ago?" Alfred yawned, scratching under his arms as he walked to the door,

"What are you talking about, it's like 6 AM." However, when he opened the door the blazing sun of the 12 o'clock sun glared into his eyes.

* * *

><p>"This is so fucking weird…" Alfred whispered as he was holding the books that Marjane wanted to check out. She laughed as she picked out two more books,<p>

"What's weird?"

"Being here reminds me of grade-school." The blonde American explained. Marjane nodded,

"Wow, that must seem like a long time ago for you, huh?"

"Yeah," Alfred turned around, "Can we talk about something…" He stopped mid-thought, however, when he saw the scene at the information desk.

It was the man from his dream, only it wasn't his dream. He stood, even taller than Alfred remembered him reading out an order slip and setting a vase of flowers on the reception-counter. Alfred found himself entranced as the man turned his way, pinning him down with a powerful, yet indifferent gaze of those strong, lavender eyes.

Marjane blinked as she saw Alfred standing there, dumbstruck.

But Alfred was shock still, his heart thumping in the rhythm of a familiar song until –

* * *

><p>"ALFRED!" The blonde jerked away as Arthur screamed in his ear. He found himself back in Arthur's condo, the band practicing a new song. The Englishman sighed, "You were mumbling the entire song, you git."<p>

"Sorry," The young blonde shook his head, Han Soo smirking,

"Is your _girlfriend_ distracting you?"

"What girlfriend?" Alfred blinked, kicking himself when he saw Marjane and Miguel sitting on the couch, the Iranian meeping,

"I'll be quiet." Arthur could only shake his head before stating,

"Let's do it again people!"

"I'm sorry," Alfred shook his head, "What are we doing?"

* * *

><p>"I've told you a million times today, Alfred!" Arthur groaned as he, Alfred, Yong Soo, and Miguel walked down the streets of New York that night, "We're going to your brother's party!"<p>

"Party?" Alfred blinked, Yong Soo rolling his eyes,

"Matthew's party, retard."

"But Francis is going to be there!" Alfred groaned to Arthur, "I thought you two broke up!" Arthur blushed a bit before he replied,

"We did. But there might be label representatives there and we need all the publicity we can get for the band." Yong Soo collapsed onto the side-walk, coming back up as Han Soo and sighing,

"At least this'll give us something to bitch and moan about."

"No… This is going to suck!" Alfred whined.

* * *

><p>Inside the party, amongst all the people drinking, eating, laughing, and dancing to the music, Alfred stood in the middle with Miguel; a can of cola in his hand. "Man this sucks!"<p>

"Sucks." Miguel nodded. After a moment, Alfred groaned,

"I'm gonna go pee out of boredom." After the blonde had left, Miguel hummed,

"I have to pee."

* * *

><p>Alfred walked through all the people in the house, slowly moving up the stairs where a stuffy Austrian guy was talking, "So I told him that he has a good sound that he should market it to deaf people." The small group laughed and tittered at his joke, imitating the Fops of old, before the brunette turned towards Alfred and called over, "Alfred, you've gotten out of your dropout slump and come to mingle with us intelligent folk. Good for you, what's that you're drinking?"<p>

"Just some Coke, nothing much."

"What?" The Austrian blinked before smirking, "I seem to remember you getting drunk on sour blue raspberry blow-pop infused Budweisers and –"

"Hey Roderich," Alfred sighed, interrupting the stuffy Austrian, "You know everyone right?" Roderich hummed, taking a sip of his beer,

"I don't mean to brag or an—Yes." Alfred nodded before holding up a crappily drawn picture of his dream man and asking,

"Do you know a guy with a big nose like this?" Roderich took one glance at the photo and nodded,

"That's Ivan Braginski. He's actually supposed to be here tonight -"

"What?" Alfred gasped, Roderich nodding,

"Yes, what do you have the hots for him or something because I have to warn you, he's a bit rough around the ed—"

Alfred had already rushed off before Roderich could even finish his sentence.

* * *

><p>The blonde carefully walked through the large group of people inside the large apartment, laughter and drinks being shared freely. He passed Francis trying to smooth-talk Arthur and he barely missed Kiku getting some new girl's phone-number. Blue eyes whipped from left to right, left to right, desperately trying to lock onto their target.<p>

Then…

There he was. He was sitting at a secluded table with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a drinking glass in the other. Ivan pressed the glass to his lips, Alfred's breathing picking up as he downed the powerful drink without so much of a wince.

The Coke can fell to the floor, forgotten.

* * *

><p><em>This one man…<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey," Alfred put on his brightest, cutest smile as he sat next to the cream-haired man. "Did you know… That Superman didn't originally have Kryptonite for a weakness? In the earliest comics and animations, Superman could actually be slowed down by fog or smoke. They of course had to change it because, well, what kind of superhero gets taken down by clouds of smoke, am I right?" Ivan only glared at Alfred, the look just <em>screaming<em> 'please, go _away_'. "Um…"

"…"

"Uh…"

"…"

"Okay, I'll just leave you alone forever now." Alfred meeped, quickly walking away like a dog with its tail between its legs.

* * *

><p>"Dude!" Alfred screamed, grabbing Miguel by his shoulder.<p>

"What is it?"

"He's totally real!" Alfred swooned, his Mexican friend shaking his head,

"Que?", just for the blonde to sigh,

"Ivan Braginski…"

* * *

><p>"Dude!" Alfred shouted, rushing over to where Roderich stood waiting for food. The Austrian smirked,<p>

"Someone seems excited about something? Did you finally figure out how to tie your shoes?" Alfred frowned, checking his shoelaces,

"Shut up. But tell me," He looked Roderich straight in the eye, "What do you know about Ivan Braginski?"

"All I know," Roderich hummed, "Is that he's Russian."

"So that's why he has that big, sexy nose…" Alfred gave a dreamy sigh. Then he got back into business, "What else?" The brunette quickly picked up a sandwich and a bag of chips before replying,

"If you want to know more, you should talk to my girlfriend Elizaveta and her friend Belle."

* * *

><p>Alfred rushed upstairs to do just that, finding a Hungarian woman sitting and drinking with a woman from Belgium. "Lady-Dudes!" He called out as he made it over, "What do you know about Ivan Braginski?" Elizaveta smiled and answered, all sorts of naughty thoughts going through her head,<p>

"I heard he has a boyfriend." Belle nodded,

"Yeah, somewhere back in Canada!" Alfred flinched, giving a nervous chuckle,

"Yeah, yeah… What else?"

* * *

><p>Alfred then began to go from lead to lead, different people telling him different things about the mysterious Russian man. "I heard that he kicks <em>all sorts<em> of ass."

"He's on an _entirely_ different level!"

"I heard he's part of the Russian mafia…"

"Everywhere he goes, he has men _and_ women _dying_ at his feet!"

"He's got some _serious _battle-scars man…"

* * *

><p>"<em>What about Ivan Braginski?"<em> Matthew gritted out as Alfred asked him about the mysterious man. Alfred was, unfortunately, extremely oblivious to the pure anger that was being radiated from his twin as Alfred beamed,

"You know him? Tell me, now!" Matthew growled again, sounding a bit animalistic, before he stated,

"He just moved out here from Russia, got a job running a family-owned Flower shop…" Alfred sighed,

"Does he really?" Just then, Francis and Arthur crashed onto a nearby couch while I the middle of a very heated make-out session. They parted lips when Arthur pushed Francis away, asking,

"Didn't he just break up with someone?" Matthew growled again. "They had a huge fight or – Francis, get off! – Or something?"

"Did they really?" The glass in Matthew's hand shattered, the young blonde gritting out,

"_Yes…_ But I didn't want _Alfred_ to know that, Dad!"

"Yeah," Alfred talked, completely ignoring the hostility, "I just don't know what it is about that guy –"

"_ALFRED!_" Matthew roared, the room going dark, _"I FORBID YOU FROM HITTING ON IVAN BRAGINSKI!_ Even if you haven't had a real relationship in God knows how long…"

"Hey, now wait just a moment!" Arthur called out, still trying to push Francis away, "Alfred's mourning period is officially over! He's dating a nice, college-freshman girl." Francis chuckled,

"Dating a freshman _is_ a mourning period, mon amour.", before sealing their lips in another kiss. Alfred raised an eyebrow, asking,

"I thought you two were broken up?" Matthew walked over, obstructing his brother's view of their parents before he sternly spoke,

"I don't want you getting involved with a man like Ivan, Alfred! You know that you never handle disasters well when it comes to relationships…"

"Come on, man!" Alfred laughed, "That's not true!"

"That time with Matthias?"

"Drunken fling…"

"That time with Kiku?"

"Huge misunderstanding…"

"That time you _dumped_ Yong Soo?" Matthew smiled, Alfred scoffing,

"Whatever, me and Yong Soo are perfectly fine now, right Yong Soo?" They both looked over to see the Korean male's face stuck between a smile and a grimace. "See, we're fine."

"Whatever…" Matthew shook his head, smiling, "Besides, Ivan's out of your league. I should know with all the times he mentions the name M-Candy over and over…"

"Yeah, I just can't…" Alfred sighed, "Get him out of my head and –"

"_FORGET IT ALFRED!"_ Matthew roared, the lights in the condo going completely out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'll probably update this story in intervals of three. Anyway, thoughts? Critiques? Some sort of feedback that would make writing this worth it? Please feel free to leave a review. Please. Just click the button at the bottom. I know you're thinking of ignoring me, but _come on..._ It'll only take a few moments of your precious time... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	4. Alfred, You're A Jerk

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reads and the reviews! Especially from SilverTrain ! Your fic 'Atlantis is AWESOME!**

* * *

><p><em>The auditorium was filled to the brim with people screaming their hearts out for the band on stage. There was Arthur playing the guitar, Yong Soo was on the drums… <em>

_But this set-up was different because Alfred was singing on-stage with a young, Lithuanian man playing the violin next to him. _

"_Keep up the pace…" Alfred sang, the Lithuanian next to him doing just that. "This was not the case… I never loved you…" _

"_What?" The brunette yelped, eyes filling with tears. Alfred only mouthed the word 'sorry' before continuing, _

"_You're such a whiny spaz… Please get over yourself…" Alfred slowly stopped singing, letting Arthur and Yong Soo take over… _

_Until he saw Ivan walking through the crowd below. But he seemed like he wasn't part of the scene surrounding him as he held a vase of tulips and read off of a delivery card. Alfred shook his head once, twice, before he whispered, _

"I must be dreaming."_ Ivan heard him and looked straight at the blonde, replying, _

"So there _is_ some intelligence in your head. Good for you."

* * *

><p>Inside of the messy, studio-apartment Alfred called home, the blonde was currently trying to get some sleep.<p>

Then the door burst open, Kiku slurring, "Guess who got drunk _and_ laid?" Alfred groaned,

"I guess Kiku?"

"You guess right!" Kiku smiled, throwing his keys so they hit Alfred in the head before he collapsed into bed. Well, Alfred wasn't getting anymore sleep. So he decided to talk out his feelings with his best friend,

"So that guy from my dreams?"

"Mm. Guy…"

"I saw him at the library!"

"Just for the sake of this conversation, can we pretend we're talking about a cute, Brazilian bikini-model?"

"Then I'm at this party and, whoa, there he is!"

"Whoa, there _she_ is…"

"I think he's…"

"I think _she's_…"

"The man of my dreams."

"Oh…" Kiku sighed before frowning, "Then you should break up with your fake, college freshman girlfriend."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Br..k… … girl…d…" Kiku mumbled as he drifted off into sleep, his fingers working on something underneath the pillow. Alfred could only try to ask what he meant, but his phone suddenly went off.

The blonde opened the device and saw that he had a text that read: 'BREAK UP WITH YOUR FAKE FRESHMAN GIRLFRIEND!'.

"How the hell do you even do that?" He asked the Japanese male, just to find him sleeping. But he didn't get a second of reprieve before said phone rang.

"You are zinking of juggling two games of 'hide ze baguette'?"

"Not even!" Alfred replied, looking around himself with a wary sense in his movements, but Francis scoffed,

"Zen break up with your fake freshman girlfriend!"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Alfred shook his head, "Who told you?"

"Kiku, of course!" Alfred took a second to look back at Kiku, the black-haired man still sleeping,

"He's ain't even conscious!"

"Whatever," Francis shook his head, "You of all people should know how much it sucks to get cheated on!" Alfred really wasn't in the mood for this, so in an effort to end the conversation, he asked,

"Don't you have a job to do?"

* * *

><p>"Oh, you are right!" Francis smirked, "I should post a mass-tweet about zis before SOPA ruins the internet <strong>( 1 )<strong>. Au revoir!" The phone clicked off, leaving Alfred to glare at Kiku for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>"KIKU!"<p>

"Nani?" Kiku sputtered as he shot up from bed, looking around just to see Alfred using his laptop. The blonde looked over, sighing,

"Good, you're awake! Mapquest dot-com, what's the address for that?" The look of sheer disbelief on Kiku's face was priceless as he answered, voice rough with tiredness and agitation,

"Mapquest dot-com?"

"I have to find the flower-shop that Ivan works at and buy something really amazing!" Alfred typed in flower shops into the search engine for their neighborhood, hoping to get an instant response when there was a chiming noise from the laptop. "Hey, someone sent me a message on Facebook!"

"It's a wonder what you can do on _my_ laptop, Alfred-san…" Kiku groaned as he tried to go find a spare can of Red Bull so he could face this day.

"And now I'm reading it!" Alfred beamed as he opened the message link, Kiku rolling his eyes,

"I'm _so_ happy for you…" While the Japanese male rummaged through the kitchen, Alfred skimmed through the letter, occasionally reading aloud,

"Dear Mr. Jones,

It has come to my attention that we shall be fighting soon. My name is Gilbert Beilschmidt and blah, blah, blah… Fair warning… Mano y mano… Seven evil blah…" He narrowed his eyes, whispering, "This is…"

'A duel'

"This is…"

'To the'

"This is…"

'Death'

"This is—"

"Oh my honorable ancestors, _WHAT?"_ Kiku gritted out, tossing the now empty Red Bull can into the sink. Alfred immediately groaned,

"This is _boring_… I'm going to go play some Plants vs. Zombies…" **( 2 )**

* * *

><p>Kiku had a paper due in his Physics class that week, so he had to try and remember the notes he had taken in his laptop since Alfred was still searching for the flower-shop that he needed. However, after a few hours and a few paragraphs, he had to say, "Alfred-san, there have to be hundreds of flower-shops in New York, how are you going to find—"<p>

"Found it!" Alfred shouted, grabbing his wallet and rushing towards the door… Just for Kiku to press a button on the TV remote, causing the door to slam shut and the blonde to smack into it. "Not… cool… Kiku…" Alfred muffled out since his lips were still plastered to the door.

"Not that I should _have _to explain this, but I will because karma would have it out for me if I didn't…" Kiku sighed, "From the sound of his name, this Braginski man is Russian."

"Um, yeah." Alfred shook his head, trying to get his balance back, "That's why he's so hot, remember?"

"Also…" Kiku sighed, "Since most Russians are of the Orthodox Christian faith, the chances of that flower shop being open are pretty much the same as you getting accepted into the NASA program anytime soon."

Alfred stood there, looking like a confused puppy as his brain tried to calculate what his roommate had just said. Kiku went back to his paper, silently counting down, "3…2…1…"

"AW FUCK!" Alfred groaned, falling to the floor as depression formed a black cloud over his body. "Why does life have to be so unfair?"

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're trying to juggle two relationships?" Kiku replied, not even looking up from his work. The doorbell rang, Alfred slowly getting up to answer it, mumbling,

"Did we order take-out for breakfast?"

"Yao doesn't do morning take-out service…" Kiku stated. No sooner had he said that, the door was opened and in jumped…

"Glomp-attack!"

"Whoa!" Alfred blinked as Marjane jumped into his arms, looking around in bewilderment, "Glomp-attack…"

"One of my classmates taught that to me," Marjane explained with a smile. Alfred could only ask,

"Uh, what are you… doing here?" The Iranian girl laughed,

"Remember? You were supposed to meet me at the bus-stop two hours ago…"

"Oh yeah…" Alfred chuckled, throwing a nervous glance towards Kiku, whose hand trembled as he reached for the sword he kept over the bed.

* * *

><p>"Ugh, the newspaper club is so boring!" Marjane was talking as she looked through the CDs in the music store, ignoring how Matthew shook his head at the two, "The music that they put on while we work is abysmal!"<p>

"That sucks…" Alfred replied, his attention everywhere else but the conversation.

* * *

><p>"So my friend Jessie broke up with Sally," Marjane spoke on as she looked through the clothes in the thrift store. Alfred yawned,<p>

"Uh-huh…"

"And now he's into my other friend Beth."

"That's nice…"

* * *

><p>They walked down the street, burgers in hand (a nice change of pace from take-out), as Marjane added, "But now Sally is claiming that she has the right to date Jessie since they were together first!"<p>

"I'm telling ya…" Alfred whistled, looking at the time on his phone.

* * *

><p>Alfred groaned as his character died on screen for the fifth time in a row, Marjane giggling beside him as she spawned him back to life. They were playing a new game: one that had Alfred playing as a soldier and Marjane playing as a sword-wielding belly-dancer.<p>

After a while, the game announced _"Solo-round!"_

"Uh-oh." Marjane whispered as the game shifted to Alfred's character. Out of the shadows, a pitch-black copy of the soldier appeared, the game stating _"New Foe: The Black Soldier!"_

"Fuck, I can never beat this guy…" Alfred frowned as he tried to get a hand on the controller. Immediately the Black Soldier took out a hunting knife and carved out all of his character's vital organs.

"_Game over!"_ Marjane looked over and saw how much of a slump Alfred was in. She could only place a gentle hand on his shoulder and smile,

"Don't beat yourself up over it. Here," She grabbed her purse, rummaging for anymore change, "Do you want to keep going?"

"Uh…" The blonde gulped. For his mind, that question had taken on an entirely different meaning. Did he want to keep leading this girl on? It was obvious that he didn't have any feelings for her, but he didn't want to have to be the one who said 'let's break up'. "I think…"

"_10… 9… 8…"_ The game counted down.

"I think we should… Um…"

"_3…2…1…"_

* * *

><p>Later that evening, inside Arthur's condo, Alfred was humming along to some lyrics that his dad had written out; trying to memorize them. Yong Soo sat on the windowsill, watching the snow pile up outside as he absentmindedly tapped a drumstick on his shoe.<p>

It was a slow, lazy night… At least until Arthur walked in through the door, snow covering his coat, and announced, "Alright lads, time to get your game-faces on!" Alfred and Yong Soo only blinked at the Englishman's statement before he clarified, "I got us a gig!"

"Oh my God!" Marjane gasped, rushing over and knocking Miguel out of the way before asking, stars in her eyes, "When? WHERE?" Arthur looked at the girl's wide-eyed state for a while before he stated,

"Wednesday… At the Blitzkrieg Alehouse. But better than that is the fact that it's the entry night for the NYIBB." Miguel whistled at that, Marjane gasping,

"The New York International Battle of the Bands?"

"That's right little lady," Arthur smiled, ruffling the Iranian's hair, "I was at work at the university and a colleague of mine asked 'hey, do you know anyone in a band?' and I said 'but of course: I'm in a band!' and he said '_you're_ in a band?' and _I_ said 'I am _totally_ in a band!'"

"Great story bro," Yong Soo commented, "Needs more ponies."

"What's the prize?" Miguel asked as he finally got to sit down, Arthur smirking,

"Only the best thing to ever happen to this band." Alfred could only laugh,

"You getting laid?" His face was instantly acquainted with a copy of Oliver Twist, Arthur gritting out,

"Who I share intimacies with is none of your business!" He quickly shook off his anger before he began again, "The prize is a record-deal with M-Candy."

"Who's that again?" Alfred asked, thinking that he had heard that name _somewhere_ before… But Marjane could only look at him like he was crazy,

"You don't know?"

"They're only the hottest Indie-music producer in the _world_ Alfred!" Arthur explained, "If we win this, it won't just be Marjane wearing Merlin's Aphrodisiac merchandise…" He was referring to the potion-bottle earrings that the girl was wearing, "It'll be the popular kids too." As soon as Arthur left, Marjane jumped into Alfred's lap and spoke up,

"I _promise_ that I'll put a hold on my cramming so I can be there!"

"Don't sweat it," Alfred smiled, patting the girl's back, "If you can't make, it's perfectly fine. I mean, we totally kind of suck something fierce. We're not worth it."

"Damn it Yankee!" Han Soo stormed over, "She's our biggest fan!" After the Korean's outburst, the sound of tears could be heard. Everyone turned to see Miguel's eyes tearing up before he rushed out of the room, "No, wait!" Yong Soo shook off his darker half before rushing after the Mexican, "Other than _you_ Miguel! Other than you!" Marjane turned towards Arthur, asking, "Who are you battling against?"

"Naomi and the Boys." The gentleman stated, strumming on his guitar. Alfred groaned,

"What? You mean that one band with Naomi? And those boys? I hate them!" The blonde youth grumbled in his seat, Marjane still sitting on his lap, until he stated, "I have to take a piss.", and gently pushed the girl away before walking to the bathroom.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

**( 1 ) Everyone knows about SOPA right? Okay, moving on… **

**( 2 ) This game is **_**so**_** addicting, I swear… **


	5. Ivan, Come Closer

After making sure that his Pee Bar was drained down to 0%, Alfred quickly washed his hands and opened the bathroom door…

Only it didn't lead back into Arthur's condo.

He adjusted his glasses, making sure that he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. He was out in the Greenwich Village area. But, in a complete contrast to its normal state, there was no one around to take in the sights or go to any of the specialty stores.

An eerie, yet familiar tune was playing in the air: reminding Alfred of one of his most beloved video games as he walked through the empty area.

The sound of fabric rippling in the air tore Alfred's attention to the left. He gasped upon seeing Ivan walking down the street, in quite a hurry.

"Hey, hold up!" Alfred called out, rushing after the man in a desperate attempt to talk to him. Yet, Ivan ignored him: keeping up his face pace until he reached a glass door with a sunflower painted on it. The Russian opened the door, shaking off excess snow before he walked in. "Hey!" Alfred called out…

* * *

><p>Alfred shook his head as he came back into real-time, noticing that the apartment was a lot colder than it usually was. That was when he saw that he was actually outside… In the Greenwich Village area… Standing in front of a glass door painted with a sunflower.<p>

Part of him wanted to ask how he had gotten from his warm bed to this place, but when images of his dreams began to flood back into his mind, he decided to simply go for broke as he opened the door…

* * *

><p>The place was warm. Though, as a flower-shop, that was to be expected. Yet the presence that the simple building gave off reminded Alfred of warm days with snow gently drifting outside: the smell of foreign spices and perfumes in the air, faint, but there all the same.<p>

Then there were the actual flowers: beautiful, radiant, in all the hues of the rainbow and then a few that Alfred didn't have enough words to describe.

"Whoa…" The blonde whispered, walking around for a moment. It didn't take long until he saw the center of his attention.

The man was busy pruning some of the _biggest_ sunflowers that Alfred had ever seen. Ivan actually had the smallest hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he worked: as if he were at peace amongst the soft, golden petals.

Alfred gulped at the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. Ivan's frame abruptly tensed up, grabbing the pruning scissors and demanding, "Can I _help_ you?", his lavender eyes glaring at the blonde.

Despite how the other looked more than ready to kill, Alfred couldn't help but think that those eyes trained on him were positively _gorgeous…_

"Well?" Ivan asked again, agitation growing in his voice.

'_Oh, fuck it.'_ Alfred gave a mental sigh before he blathered out, "Do you want to go out? Do you – I think we should date!" Ivan frowned,

"No. Now, are you here to buy flowers or not?"

"Well…" Alfred cleared his throat, his jacket-collar suddenly all too tight, "I just woke up here, in front of your store! But the weird thing was that you were in the dream I was having! And you were coming to this store right here and – Oh boy…" The youth trailed off, his eyes widening as the Russian walked over to him: the sound his boots made as they impacted with the wooden floor akin to a funeral bell.

The concept of personal space was shattered as Ivan leaned down to get a better look at Alfred's blushing face: inspecting his face like the murder weapon of a crime scene.

'_This guy is huge…'_ Alfred mused as Ivan inspected him, _'Huh, I wonder if that hugeness carries on elsewhere…'_

Finally, before Alfred could lower his eyes, Ivan groaned, "Oh _God_, now I am recognizing you…"

"What?" Alfred panicked, putting his arms up in defense, "No! I'm not that spazz from the party that was dropping all that Superman trivia! That guy was such a douche, you know?" Ivan shook his head,

"Nyet, nyet… It is just that there is this convenient subspace highway system that I use to travel and make my deliveries. It is close to thirty miles in 30 seconds; truly convenient."

"Huh?" Alfred blinked, confused at what the Russian was talking about but content to let him talk if it meant he could hear more of that rich, decadent voice.

"They are all the rage back in Europe," Ivan continued, "Which is why I was so shocked that this one was so empty. Hm," He looked back at Alfred, "It must take a detour through your brain."

"Subspace… Wait, what?" Alfred shook his head, "Is it like in Metroid? Or Super Mario 2?" The look that Ivan gave him after that statement could have killed puppies. "I guess not…" The blonde gave another nervous chuckle.

"But in all seriousness," Ivan sighed, walking to the counter, "Are you going to buy something or not?"

"But…" Alfred whined, biting his lip, "If I buy something, then I'll have to leave!"

"That is usually how it works, yes." Ivan nodded, Alfred rushing over, slamming his hands against the counter,

"Can we go out sometime? Or at least hang out? Can we get to know each other? You're new in town! I've lived here _forever_! Except for when I went to Texas that one time… I mean – There are _reasons_ for you to go out with me!" The cream-haired man silently raised an eyebrow before giving a slow shake of his head,

"You are all _over_ the place. Do you have, what do you Americans call it, the ADHD?"

"But I'm _so_ sincere!" Alfred insisted, working his best puppy-dog eyes. Ivan only huffed,

"Sincerely stupid, maybe."

"But listen!" Alfred interjected, "I just thought of something! Your thinga-ma-whozit goes through my head, right? You strolling through my head must be the reason I'm so obsessed with you – Let's pretend I didn't just say obsessed…" For a moment, Ivan didn't say anything: opting for watching the clock slowly move its hands. Leaning against the counter, he smiled,

"You really are obsessed about this, aren't you? Now I am needing to find a new route…"

"Or…" Alfred offered, "We could go out."

"You want _me_," Ivan asked, "To go out with _you_?"

"If that's cool with you…" The youth gulped.

3…2…1…

"If I say yes, will you shut up and buy some damn flowers?"

"Charge it!" Alfred shouted, his smile as bright as the sun as he handed over Kiku's credit card and bought a large bouquet of violets. When Ivan handed him the bouquet, freshly cut and wrapped in satiny white paper, Alfred tossed away his roommate's credit card and asked, "So yeah… eight o'clock?"

* * *

><p><em>So yeah…<em>

* * *

><p>Alfred trudged all the way to the stairs leading into Central Park, snow slowly drifting down from the dark night sky. His heart started pounding as he saw a light, pink scarf whipping in the wind.<p>

Sure enough, Ivan was standing there: dressed in a large, beige over-coat. "Why are you just standing there?" Alfred called over. Ivan shook his head,

"I am waiting for you, child."

"Oh." Alfred smiled, "I just thought that you would reconsider coming out here tonight." Ivan smiled, beginning to walk into the park,

"You thought wrong."

* * *

><p>"So, how'd you end up in the City That Never Sleeps?" Alfred asked as they walked through the cold, quiet park: snow still climbing up around them. Ivan sighed, his breath creating a small cloud in front of him, before replying,<p>

"I was needing a new change of pace. I did not want to go home to Russia, but… I could not stay in Canada anymore. So, I pulled some strings and my older sister got me a nice job running that flower shop." The streetlights flickered for a moment. "M-Candy always said that this city was beautiful…"

"Is M-Candy…" Alfred had to ask, "Your girlfriend? Boyfriend?"

"He's… A friend." Ivan said. Alfred was quiet for all of a second before asking,

"_Was_ he your boyfriend?" He flinched as Ivan gave him another one of those piercing looks (he could have sworn he heard a cat's dying yowl somewhere), quietly stating,

"Let us not get into that right now."

* * *

><p>"What are you up to in life little one?" Ivan asked as they stopped to sit down on a picnic-table. Alfred hummed,<p>

"Well, it's a long story. I started school to be an astronaut, but it didn't work out. Then I went to be an archaeologist, it didn't work out."

"Did they not work out," Ivan asked, "Or did you give up?" Alfred nearly jumped, that comment hitting _way_ too close to home.

* * *

><p>"So, how old are you anyway?" Alfred asked as they started walking again. Ivan chuckled,<p>

"Old enough to have seen plenty of the dark sides of this world, little one."

"Oh, come on!" The blonde laughed, "You can't be _that_ old! Look at you, you're hot!" He gulped, averting his eyes after he said that. Ivan kept on walking, not before stating,

"32."

"Ha-ha! You're kidding right?" Alfred asked. But as Ivan walked on, he yelped, "Seriously? Damn, I thought you were _my_ age!" The cream-haired man chuckled,

"What would that be? 16?"

"No!" Alfred fumed, "I'm 20!"

"Still but a child in so many ways…"

* * *

><p>A sudden rush of wind blew through both parties, Alfred groaning, "Oh, come <em>on<em>! It's like April, can't I get a break from crazy New York weather for _once_!"

"You act as if a little snow will kill you." Ivan smiled, "But I am agreeing that we should find a more stable place to continue this date."

The curl on Alfred's hair bounced, blue eyes looking up at Ivan as he asked, "So this is a date?" Ivan smirked,

"Did I say that? Oh, must have been…" His voice lowered into a seductive timber, "A slip of the tongue, da?"

"Tongue?" Alfred blinked, glad that the coat he was wearing covered down to his knees. Ivan turned to look around the park,

"Anyway, there should be something of use around here somewhere…"

"What?" Alfred asked, Ivan simply replying,

"A door." The Russian pointed a few feet from them and, lo and behold, there was a red door with a golden star standing there.

* * *

><p><em>Ivan, Come Closer<em>

* * *

><p>After going through the mystery door, Alfred found himself inside the other's more-than-impressive condo. "It's like, three times the size of Arthur's…" He whispered in awe as he passed luxury furniture, a flat-screen TV, and other items of wealth.<p>

"You can sit down wherever." Ivan stated when he noticed that Alfred seemed too scared to sit on any of his furniture. When he decided upon the sofa, Ivan offered, "Would you like a drink?"

"Um, sure," Alfred nodded, "What do you have?" He watched as Ivan went into the kitchen and opened up a pantry that seemed stocked to the gills with bottles of vodka.

"Let us see… There is blueberry, raspberry, ginseng-infused, sleepy-time, Grey Goose, honey, liver disaster, ginger-infused, vanilla, almond, white-truffle coconut, walnut, and just plain vodka."

Alfred could only blink. Then he muttered, "Please tell me you made some of those up." The Russian grabbed a lavender-shaded bottle, musing,

"I believe that sleepy-time would be good."

"That sounds good to me!" Alfred smiled.

* * *

><p>Ivan handed Alfred a glass of the drink, the blonde surprised at how warm it was, before the older man went to his bedroom, "Let me get you a blanket."<p>

"Awesome, thanks!" Alfred nodded, taking a sip of the drink: wincing as he felt it burn his throat. For a while, Alfred just sat there on the couch: awaiting for Ivan to return. But ten minutes later, curiosity took over.

Like a child looking for their ever elusive Christmas presents, Alfred snuck through the condo until he was able to find Ivan's bedroom.

He walked right on in, immediately yelping as he got an eyeful of Ivan pulling on a pair of sleeping pants. "Whoa!" Alfred shut his eyes, "Sorry, thought that something happened in here with the blankets…"

"I was just getting dressed for bed." Ivan explained, his voice echoing in Alfred's mind since he still had his eyes closed. "You must be really cold. Here…"

Alfred practically felt himself melt as something large, soft, and warm was pressed against him. "Oh wow… Wow, that's great…" He whispered, "What is that?" He finally opened his eyes to see Ivan, shirtless, flush up against his body, smirking down at him. "Wow…" Alfred swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, "So it's all muscle huh?"

It was sudden, yet tortuously slow at the same time. Ivan pressed his lips against Alfred's, a simple movement at first, soon grew into a blooming, fiery action between two bodies: Alfred adding his own force into the kiss, moving in for more every time the older would try to pull away.

The blonde felt like he was singing the perfect song: his mind a mix of glows and shines the hues of all the flowers in Ivan's flower shop…

They finally broke apart when air became necessary, Alfred asking, "Were you… just going to bring the blanket from your bed?"

"Pretty much." Was Ivan's response.

"Well…" Alfred cleared his throat, "Maybe we should both get under it. Since it's so cold, I mean!"

"Yes…" The other hummed, "But what about the drinks?"

* * *

><p>Flakes of frigid white piled on the window sill as shirtless two bodies fell into Ivan's bed. With a quick bit of maneuvering, Ivan was on top of Alfred: removing the younger male's glasses before he lowered his head for another kiss.<p>

Oh, Alfred had missed this. It had been such a long time since he was in a relationship where he was able to just let go… A sharp nip at his lips caused him to gasp, Ivan taking the opportunity to slip his tongue into the warm cavern that, he could have sworn, tasted of honey.

On Alfred's end, when their tongues brushed against each other, his senses were overtaken by something that tasted of vodka, felt like a roaring fire, and was just _all_ Ivan.

All too soon for the blonde's liking, Ivan pulled away. "What is it?" Alfred panted, looking up at the Russian. For a moment, Ivan just looked at him in silence. Then he shook his head,

"I have changed my mind." The cream-haired man rolled over to lay beside the other, continuing, "I do not feel like keeping up with the Joneses tonight."

"Huh?" Alfred blinked, sitting up on his elbows. Ivan simply pulled up the blankets, explaining,

"I am not in the mood for sex right now. It has been a long day."

"Oh, you know, that's cool." Alfred hummed, twiddling his fingers. Ivan chuckled,

"It is not like I am going to send you out in this storm though. I may be cruel, but I am not heartless." As he spoke, he moved over until he could wrap his arms around the blonde youth, much like one would a teddy bear.

"Mm…" Alfred moaned at the warmth that the other exuded, "You know, this is just fine! It's been a long time since I've had… _this_." He smiled, "Thanks big guy."

"You are welcome Alfred F. Jones." Ivan smiled, kissing him on the forehead, "Now sleep."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

**How's that for cock-blocking, huh?**


	6. That One Part Where Things Get Weird

**A/N: Here's where things get weird...**

* * *

><p>"Okay, so uh…" Alfred began as Ivan dropped him off at Kiku's apartment (in a very impressive Mercedes-Benz for someone who runs a flower shop), "Can this not be a onetime thing? For one, I didn't even get laid…" When Ivan glared at him, he winced as he heard a dog somewhere give up the ghost. "It was a joke!"<p>

"What did you have in mind?" Ivan asked, adjusting his scarf. Alfred hummed, counting off with his fingers as he thought of possibilities…

"Oh!" He snapped his fingers, "There's this battle of the bands thing on Wednesday night. You should totally stop by!"

"You are in a band?" Ivan asked, his voice laced with skepticism. Alfred nodded,

"Yeah! We're horrible; please come!" The Russian looked at the clock on the dashboard of the car before he sighed,

"Sure, why not." Then he started to drive off, snowflakes drifting into the air in its wake.

"Wait!" Alfred shouted, "Can't I at least get your number?" The car screeched as Ivan backed it up, snow flying all over. Ivan lowered the window and handed Alfred a business card with his name, number… and seven x's on it. "Wow," Alfred sighed, "Hot guy number…" Ivan drove off again, Alfred snapping out of his daze to call out, "Remember! It's Wednesday at the Blitzkrieg Alehouse!"

When Ivan's car turned a corner, Alfred sighed a happy sigh and walked into the studio-apartment. Immediately,

"Close the damn door, its freezing!" Alfred rolled his eyes as he saw Kiku laying underneath a kotatsu table with a cup of hot cocoa.

"Come on Kiku, I just got home and you're yelling at me?"

"Hai," Kiku took a sip of his drink, "Your mother and I have been worried sick. Oh yeah, and you have a letter or something at the door."

Alfred looked down and picked up the envelope that was all white except for the emblem of a black eagle on it. "I wonder who it's from… Also, I don't know if I told you about this guy Ivan, but he is _amazing_ and… yeah…"

"Did you sleep with him?" Kiku asked, picking up a magazine.

"Well, yeah…" Alfred tried to answer through the blush that was growing on his face, "In his bed…"

"You should break up with your fake freshman girlfriend Alfred-san." Kiku frowned, Alfred insisting,

"I didn't have sex with him Kiku!"

"You should break up with your fake freshman girlfriend Alfred-san." Kiku sighed, Alfred sitting down,

"Yeah, I know." He opened the letter, reading through the first few lines as Kiku asked,

"Who is it from?"

"'Dear Mr. Jones, my name is Gilbert Beilschmidt and I'm…" Alfred hummed his way through the rest of the letter, "'Received no reply to my e-mail, consider this fair warning… blah, blah, blah… fight schedule…."

"The usual?" Kiku huffed, Alfred nodding as he balled up the letter and tossed it into the trash.

"Oh yeah," Alfred sighed as he laid down, "Merlin's Aphrodisiac has a show at the Blitzkrieg Alehouse. You should come." Kiku finished off his drink before he replied,

"I'll come if you break up with Marjane. That poor, misguided, Middle-Eastern sweetheart."

"Fuck you!" Alfred groaned, slamming a pillow over his face. Kiku smirked,

"We tried that once, it didn't work out."

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><p>The Blitzkrieg Alehouse was full to bursting with people who enjoyed good music, German food, and the finest liquor. Ivan frowned as he soon realized that he was the oldest person in the room. But soon he heard a joyful call of "You actually came!"<p>

"Well, da." Ivan nodded, walking over to Alfred's joyful stature, "I did agree to after all."

"Wow…" Alfred sighed, in a bit of a daze. For five minutes. Until someone cleared their throat.

"Ahem," Francis began, "Please excuse him: his father dropped him on his head one too many times when he was a toddler. I'm Francis," He held a hand out to where Matthew was standing, "This is Alfred's brother Matthew…" Matthew rolled his eyes before taking the hand of the auburn-haired Monacan girl next to him,

"This is my date Marie."

"H-hello." She greeted, adjusting her glasses. Immediately Kiku perked up, the girl's shy demeanor setting off his 'moe-detector' big time.

"Hello," Kiku gently took Marie's hand away from Matthew, "My name is Kiku Honda and I'm-"

"Alfred's girl-crazy, perverted roommate." Matthew frowned. But Kiku shook off the insult, opting for getting to know the girl better. "Oh," Matthew smirked, "And this is Marjane!"

"Alfred!" Marjane beamed as she rushed down the stairs and jumped into Alfred's arms: planting a kiss on his lips complete with small, glowing pink hearts. She was accompanied by a friend that she had dragged here from study group, but she lowered herself back to the ground: showing off her clothes and new, straightened hairstyle, "Do you like? I wanted to look good for the show!"

"Um…" Alfred gulped, "It's, uh…" At that moment, Ivan glared at Marjane, thinking,

'This girl must be new to concept of personal space…' Marjane glared at Ivan, thinking,

'Isn't he a bit old to be hanging out with us..?' Matthew glared at Alfred, thinking,

'Oh, you're in for it now…' And Kiku leered at Marie, musing,

'I wonder how far she's willing to go on a first date..?'

But pretty soon, all attention was on Alfred again: the blonde gulping as he looked around. "I…" He licked his suddenly dry lips, "I have to go!" Then he proceeded to run off towards backstage: flailing his arms like Kermit the Frog.

When he was gone, the bar-owner: one Ludwig Beilschmidt, walked up on-stage and announced, "The first band of the night is from Brooklyn und they are called 'Naomi and The Boys'…"

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><p>Backstage, Arthur was flipping through a clipboard that had pictures and diagrams of the members of Naomi's band. But the Brit was growing more and more frantic with every page, "Oh God…" He panted, "This is a nightmare!"<p>

Alfred slammed the door behind him, Arthur asking before he pulled at his hair, "Is this a nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

"Calm down," Yong Soo sighed as he sat down next to Miguel, the Mexican cleaning his saxophone that he hardly ever got to play, "Once we get on stage we'll be fine."

"We were just onstage for sound check and the _sound check guy_ hated us!" Arthur groaned, Alfred snapping,

"It's just nerves, DAMN IT! We're going to go out there and people will LOVE US!" While Arthur continued to bemoan his fate, Alfred peeked his head through the curtains so he could watch what was going on with his friends…

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><p>"Marie-chan," Kiku handed the girl a drink which she happily took. "Does this band rock or suck?" He smirked, Marie blinking,<p>

"I… don't think that they've started playing yet." Kiku blinked at the response before stating,

"That was a test, Marie-chan, and you passed." He took a sip of beer, letting his hand cover Marie's. However, the action didn't go unnoticed by Matthew.

"What time did you start drinking today, Kiku? Noon?"

"Oh Matthew," Kiku chuckled, "You are so funny. Isn't he funny Marie-chan?"

"Good evening…" The Goth-girl on stage addressed everyone in the bar, "My name is Naomi… And these are the Boys."

"Is that Korean girl a boy too?" Kiku called down, referring to the drummer who flipped him off in response. Backstage, Han Soo growled, rage filling his core,

"They have… a Korean drummer?"

"Yes…" Naomi gritted out towards Kiku before announcing, "This song is called 'I Am So Sad. I Am So Very, Very Sad.' And it goes a little something like this." The drummer counted them off before they all screamed,

'_SO… _

_SAD!'_

The music stopped, Naomi stating, "Thank you."

"It can't be…" Matthew frowned, "That song was only…"

"0.4 seconds long?" Marjane calculated. The bar was silent, Naomi bowing,

"You're all too kind."

"Damn, these blokes are good…" Arthur bit his lip behind the curtain. But outside…

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><p>"It isn't a race!" Kiku called down, Naomi frowning,<p>

"Okay, this next song is dedicated to the asshole who keeps yelling at us from the balcony!" Kiku blinked, pointing at himself. "Yeah," Naomi nodded, "It's called 'We Hate You, Please Die'."

"Nice," Kiku moved his chair closer to Marie, "I love this one!" The drummer counted them off before the band moved into a heavy metal/thrash number.

"This rhythm is so…" Marjane frowned, ignoring her friend who was covering her ears from the noise, "Wrong…"

That song soon ended, Naomi panting, "The final song of the night is titled 'Last Song Kills the Audience'. Hope you enjoy it!"

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><p>"They're kidding right?" Yong Soo asked as the sound-waves from the stage carried backstage. Arthur shook his head,<p>

"No, I've heard about this though: it knocks the audience out for twenty or thirty minutes." The music grew in intensity, talking to one another being proven impossible. Arthur stood, pulling at his hair as he groaned: his words being made visible,

'How are we supposed to compete with this? There's no way! I can't even hear myself _think_! We're going to lose! We're not going to sign with M-Candy, we're not going to play the Chaotix Theatre, and – GOD DAMN IT ALFRED, WOULD YOU STOP STANDING THERE LIKE A FREAKING WEEPING ANGEL **( 1 )**, YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!'

But Alfred only stood there, eyes still trained in on where Francis and Ivan had just gone to the bathroom…

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><p>"So, how is it you know the petit lapin?" Francis asked as the two men made use of the urinals since the stalls were full.<p>

"He's…" Ivan hummed, "A friend."

"I see…" Francis nodded, sneaking a few good peeks at Ivan's goods. They finished up, washing their hands, Francis still talking, "It's just… so hard for me to keep up since he has _so_ many friends." They walked out of the bathroom, Francis yelping,

"What ze hell?" As he saw half of the audience rendered unconscious.

Choosing to not ask questions, they walked back to their seats, Matthew taking the opportunity to ask Marjane, "Marjane… You never told me, how did _you_ meet my _brother_?" Marjane's face lit up as she began,

"Well…"

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><p>'Oh no, no, no, no, no!' Alfred mentally screamed as he saw Marjane about to spill everything in front of Ivan, 'This <em>is<em> a nightmare!'

He abruptly turned and slapped Arthur across the face, shouting, "We need to play now and loud! Loud enough for a college freshman to forget what they're about to say!" Arthur could only nod,

"Okay."

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><p>"I was on the bus with my grandma and…" Marjane trailed off as her eyes moved towards the stage. Ivan raised an eyebrow,<p>

"Please do not be telling me that that is the whole story."

"They're on!" Marjane shouted, jumping up on her heels as Alfred and the others got on stage. Ludwig read off another cue-card,

"This next band is from New York so… Ja. Please welcome Merlin's Aphrodisiac."

"I LOVE YOU MERLIN'S APHRODISIAC! WHOO!" Marjane screamed her heart out, Alfred sighing as he took the mic,

"Arthur, you ready?" The Brit nodded, Yong Soo shouting,

"WE ARE MERLIN'S APHRODISIAC! HANA! DOOL! SET! NET!" The music started, Miguel creating a calm atmosphere with the saxophone that was accompanied by Arthur's guitar. Even Yong Soo's drumming was calmer as they performed the song's intro. Then Alfred sang,

'_Hey there Fluttershy, _

_Why do you cry?_

_Is Rainbow Dashie teasing you again? _

_Don't worry dear _

_You don't have to fear, _

_You have no faults at all (believe me)…' _

The audience was slowly rousing from their unconscious state… Marjane doing the exact opposite and passing out in a faint. Alfred… didn't seem to notice.

'_Your coat of cream, _

_Your pastel eyes, _

_My dear, you're a true envisionment of dreams… _

_So go on, fly, _

_Across the sky, _

_Before you break my heart—'_ **( 2 )**

Suddenly, the roof cracked open: a figure flying in on the back of a giant, golden eagle. "Alfred F. Jones!" He was clad in old, red, blue, and white clothing that looked better suited on some ancient battlefield of the past: fancy hat included. His short, white hair was messy and his crimson eyes glared at Alfred as he jumped down from his ride, "It is I: The Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt!"

"Shit!" Ivan bit his lip, looking for any available exits.

"And I allow you to meet," Gilbert smirked as he unsheathed a shining sword, "My Mighty Dick-Stick!"

"Do I have to?" Alfred winced, the albino continuing,

"Consider our fight… Begun!" Gilbert jumped into the air, sword ready to strike when he landed. But Alfred only stood there, dumbfounded,

"What did I do?" Gilbert still flew towards him. "What _do_ I do?" Gilbert was just about to strike when Kiku ripped off his clothing, revealing a robe that an old martial-arts master would wear. He then yelled,

"FIGHT!"

Alfred nodded, the Japanese male's command echoing in his ear. He tossed the mic away, getting into a fighting stance. The words: Alfred F. Jones vs. Gilbert Beilschmidt shined in the air above the bar for a second before Gilbert landed his attack.

But Alfred caught the sword before it hit anything vital, then he landed a firm right hook into the albino's jaw with a firm resounding crack. "Reversal!" Alfred smirked.

Ivan watched the scene with wide eyes, as did Francis and Arthur. Gilbert landed with a grunt, quickly standing up and wiping the blood from his busted lip, "Alright then…" He smiled, "And here I thought this would be easy…"

"Alfred-san!" Alfred turned towards Kiku, the black-haired male talking like the old sensei in one of those badly dubbed martial-arts movies (his lips even moved past when his sentences ended), "Watch out! It is that one guy!"

"Oh, geez!" Alfred replied full of sarcasm, his speech pattern mocking his friend's, "Thanks Kiku!" **( 3 )**

"Die!" Gilbert yelled, charging forth with his sword. Alfred frowned, kicking the other square in the chest: sending him flying. Alfred jumped up, following the albino just to punch him across the face.

"He's going for the air juggle!" Miguel whistled, Yong Soo shaking his head,

"This guy is such toast, da ze! Doesn't he know that Alfred has been trained by some of the best fighters in the state?" Meanwhile, Alfred had landed up to 45 punches on Gilbert and the count was still rising…

"64-hit combo!" Everyone cheered when Alfred slugged Gilbert so hard that he made a crater when he hit the stage. Those who were still conscious moved to a safe distance, but watched on nonetheless. Alfred landed, holding up his fists as Gilbert got up: smirking despite his bleeding teeth.

"Well, you are just as good as they say _Jonesie…_"

"Who the hell are you anyway?" Alfred asked.

"My _name_," The albino stated for one and all to hear, "Is Gilbert Beilschmidt! And I am Ivan Braginski's First Evil Ex!"

"His _what_?" Alfred asked, everyone looking to Ivan who gave a nervous chuckle,

"I could use another drink. Who else wants another drink?"

Gilbert took the opportunity to knock the blonde to the ground, punching at his stomach. But Alfred quickly rolled over, kicking the albino just to have the blow blocked. Gilbert slashed at the other with his sword, managing to knick his cheek before Alfred shoved him away.

"Wait, wait!" Alfred called time-out, "We're fighting over Ivan?"

"..Ja..?" Gilbert cocked his head to the side, "Didn't you get my e-mail? Und the letter explaining the situation?"

Alfred thought for a second before he replied, "I… skimmed through them?"

"The fuck?" Gilbert sputtered, "I worked hard on those!"

"Ahem." Ludwig cleared his throat from the counter.

"I mean," Gilbert corrected himself, "Mein bruder worked hard on those! Und I delivered that letter _personally_ through a _verdamnten_ blizzard! I literally had _blue balls_!"

"Ha!" Han Soo laughed. But Gilbert only screamed,

"You shall pay for your insolence!" Before charging towards Alfred with all the speed and power of an eagle. Alfred gritted his teeth as he struggled to block the feverish blows to his body. But soon, Gilbert laughed as he kicked at the blonde's stomach: taking the distraction to punch Alfred's face… twice, causing quite the bloody nose.

Before he could fight back, Gilbert flew back to a safe distance: taunting from afar.

"Hey…" Francis asked from the balcony, "What is with his clothes?"

"Yeah…" Marie asked, "Is he a pirate?" This was a very good question, Alfred thought as he asked,

"_Are_ you a pirate?"

"Pirates are _so_ 2007!" Gilbert screamed, charging at Alfred again. Blow after blow were exchanged until both males grabbed each other's arms. Alfred looked up at the balcony and asked,

"Did you _really_ go out with this guy?" The spotlight, literally, shined on Ivan as he stood and answered,

"Yes. But in _grade-school_!" When all was quiet, he explained, "It was February: the month of love and all sorts of intolerable sap. For some reason, _everyone_ wanted to be my valentine. Gilbert was the only one in the entire school who challenged my authority and… I liked it. One day, we went on a wonderful rampage throughout the building. My brute strength and his Awesome powers made it all too easy." Ivan sighed as he looked down at the albino, "We only kissed once. And we broke up after a week."

After story-time, Gilbert shoved Alfred away: shouting up to the balcony, "You'll pay for this Braginski!" Somewhere in the background, a wicked guitar riff sounded: Gilbert singing,

'_If you want to fight me… _

_Boy, you aren't the brightest!'_

"Singing?" Matthew frowned, "Really?" But Alfred smiled as he sang back,

'_You won't know what hit you _

_In the slightest~!'_ He then commented, "Nice harmony!"

"I know, right?" Gilbert smiled before putting his game-face back on. He flew into the air: a flock of small canaries flying in through the window to surround him.

"This guy's good…" Arthur commented before Gilbert continued,

'_My mystic powers..! _

_My Awesome Battle-Chicks!'_

"Piyo-piyo (Tell them Gilbert)! The birds chirped as their master sang out,

'_Don't have to look too long, _

'_cause I know I'm slick…'_ Suddenly, the albino's frame was surrounded by lightning: bolts of it shooting out and random points. Alfred rushed to jump out of harm's way: managing to hide behind an over-turned table.

Naomi and the Boys… Not so lucky. They were quickly burnt to a crisp. When the lightning stopped for a second, Alfred jumped up on stage and grabbed one of the cymbals off of the floor.

'_We're going to show you _

_What it's all about…!'_

"Hey, wait a second!" Arthur intervened, humming the last few lines before he stated, "That doesn't even _rhyme_!"

"It doesn't have to!" Gilbert cackled, "I'm awesome!" While the two bickered, Alfred flung the cymbal: the golden disc smacking into the albino's head and ruining his focus.

'This is impossible!' He panicked internally, 'How can this be?'

"Open your eyes," Alfred murmured, "Maybe then you'll see." The blonde quickly jumped up, pulling back his arm and then socking Gilbert across the jaw: the albino groaning in pain as he collapsed to the floor.

"K.O.!" Kiku announced as Gilbert hit the floor. But when he did, an odd sort of business card flew out of his suit. It spun in the air for a moment before exploding into some loose change.

"Sweet!" Alfred whistled as he kneeled down to pick up the coins.

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><p>Up on the balcony, Matthew looked devastated as Ivan sighed, "Well, this has been fun. Matvey, tell your Yellow-fever induced friend that I said good night." As Ivan quickly jumped over the balcony and to the main floor, Matthew blinked,<p>

"Wait, what?" Before looking over to see a sight that made his blood boil over in rage, "God-fucking-damn it Kiku! AGAIN?" Kiku and Marie were enjoying a hot and heavy make-out session right there at the table.

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><p>"Oh man…" Alfred sighed after he had finished collecting the money, "$1.25? That ain't even enough for the bus home!" <strong>( 4 )<strong>

"I will drive you!" Ivan gritted out, seizing Alfred's arm and dragging him out of the bar.

"So… ja…" Ludwig calmly walked over his brother's unconscious body before he announced to everyone, "Merlin's Aphrodisiac wins."

Though there was a mixture of cheers and jeers, Marjane's friend found the strength to pick her up: Marjane whispering, "Merlin's Aphrodisiac won..? Yay…"

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><p><strong>AN: **

**( 1 ) I am a **_**major**_** Dr. Who fan. Weeping Angels are probably the most well-known enemy in the series besides the daleks. They're aliens who look like angel statues covering their eyes. **

**( 2 ) I am also a brony. The lyrics here are made up but they are based on a song called 'Avast Fluttershy's Lament'. **

**( 3 ) Have you ever watched a foreign-film that seemed like the importers just did not care about how their voice-over turned out? Yeah… **

**( 4 ) Isn't this messed up? I live in California where the average bus-fare is $1.50. Luckily I'm in college, so bus-fare is free, but still…**

**There's the update this time around! Will Ivan explain what the _heck_ is going on? And since when can Alfred rock those sweet moves? Only time will tell... Thanks for reading, please review! Please! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


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